Why Do We Need Civility?

The Association of Image Consultants International, the organization through which I am credentialed as a Certified Image Professional, has made something of a campaign to encourage civility in others. A chief campaigner of this civility movement contacted me, and asked for my comment on why civility is needed for an upcoming article she is writing for an image industry publication.

I have to admit; being an image consultant is not about living up to a standard of unattainable perfection. Nor is it my thing to encourage others behave in a way beyond the scope of their lifestyles. My lifestyle just isn’t so formal. I live in Silicon Valley and when I’m not working I’m most often in William Rast jeans and a bamboo T-shirt I bought at Kitson in Los Angeles.

Have you heard me swear? I do it very well in Yiddish, too, by the way. My eye contact is not always spot on, and I don’t always have my body turned squarely at someone during conversation. Even my laugh is loud. Absolutely, I’m very skilled at helping clients improve their image for whatever circumstance is of importance to them; but sometimes even I want to turn off the personal impression maker that I am. Don’t you want to turn off too, at times? But this doesn’t mean I’ll not make a genuine effort to remain polite and respectful of others – and of myself.

The challenge with encouraging ourselves to behave in a manner of formal politeness based on social conventions – that is civility – is that it’s like asking ourselves to become less informal. In some way it feels like trying to turn back time to the 1940s when social conventions were more formal and the average person behaved as such. In today’s world, you have to ask if one’s behavior matches the attitude and matches the appearance? All are so closely linked.

Casualness is a current attitude our society has found comfort in for an increasing number of decades. Why show emotional commitment, loyalty, thoroughness, or seriousness, when one can just be ‘casual’ and live life by chance? With all the problems in the world, it seems like a breath of fresh air to throw caution to the wind sometimes, doesn’t it?

Nonetheless, civility, from a modern man’s perspective is very simple and I think it’s important to accept some form of it into your everyday life. Why, you ask? You never know what a great gift a polite smile and the words “please” and “thank you” can bring to someone’s day. Karen, the concierge in my building is always bursting with smiles. And when she was in a car wreck a few months ago, just down the block from our building right after her work day ended, my partner and I raced to the hospital to make sure she was okay. Now that’s civility – that’s caring.

Civility is also the gift that keeps on giving back to you. When you politely address another person, it shows great personal character as much as it shows care for that person. You should note how you feel by treating another person with respect. It feels good to be considerate of others.

You don’t need to address people as “sir” or “madam” to behave politely. That’s the stuff you expect of the upper crust somewhere else. But even when you’re laid-back and in jeans and a T-shirt you can still be kind to others and say “excuse me, please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome” and “have a great day.” Swear if you must around those who know you best [I sure as hell do]. But be kind and respectful. Make it a personal mission, not a movement.

Designing and managing your image is the secret science of your success.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps professional men and corporate workgroups create effective visual brands. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.

How to Talk to Your Man About Upping His Image

Okay, guys, I’m letting you in on a secret. In recent months, I’ve been asked by a number of wives and girlfriends the following question: How can I get my husband/partner/boyfriend to spruce up his image?

Telling a loved one that he is looking like an unmade bed or that he is stuck somewhere in the 70’s can be a little perilous. As a woman, it’s very likely you’ve been told or made to feel this very same thing – either by your significant other or by society in general – and then you do something about it. But, when it comes to men, ‘doing something about it’ doesn’t always come so easily. I have been dressing men for twenty years and have some ideas that may help you be successful in helping your man.

[Solo guys who feel stuck on your own, this is for you, too…]

The first thing to do is assess what needs improvement. Keep the information to yourself at first. Don’t immediately needle your man with all the fine points where he can improve because this will surely overwhelm him. The full-blown approach calls for the support of a professional and should come from an objective third party.

Prioritize the top two or three solutions that would most significantly improve his image. Keep an eye to the simple and easy things. Are his clothes always wrinkled beyond belief? Suggest he take his typically wrinkled clothing items to the dry cleaners instead so that his improved clothing condition improves how he looks. Does he tend to wear his shirts untucked all the time? There’s a time and a place for this. Suggest he tuck in his shirts for a more polished look for work or for social occasions when looking like a beach bum just don’t do. He may think the untucked look hides a paunch, but the truth is that untucked shirts make men look even bulkier. Is he long overdue for a haircut? It’s just amazing what a fresh haircut does for a guy’s disposition. Just be sure he goes to a reputable place so he’s in a good mood afterward! Try to stay clear of cheap franchise “chop shops.”

Look for the least invasive options. Don’t immediately suggest plastic surgeries! Like the abovementioned, these are easy, free-to-low cost solutions that can yield big rewards, especially when you are there telling your man, “Honey, look how improved you look just because you pressed your pants, tucked in your shirt, and got your hair cut.”

The next level of assessment goes deeper. Is his personal look as current as his vehicle? If not, he’s definitely got an opportunity for improvement. Often, men who don’t maintain an updated wardrobe, eyeglasses, or accessories don’t do so out of laziness or because of a perceived lack of movement in men’s fashion styles.

Chances are your man relies on you to tell him when something is out of style. Showing him solutions is often why many women aren’t able to be as dedicated to helping their man because it’s a job – and most women all ready have one in addition to being a mother and a wife, and a life full of too many responsibilities. That’s where I can help both you and your man in my role as an image consultant.

Aside from getting an updated look, don’t forget about the great image boosting activities you can both enjoy together. Eating healthy together and exercising together is fantastically rewarding because you support each other by having healthier habits and routines. These activities are known to improve attitude, energy, behavior, focus, shininess of hair, glow of skin, and best of all an overall improvement to general health, well-being, and image.

So to the guys who read my blog but never comment, there are a million reasons to fall in love, though getting nagged on isn’t one of them. But if you look sharp you’ll not be concerned with such things!

Designing and managing your image is the secret science of your success.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps professional men and corporate workgroups create effective visual brands. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.

Reflections on the “Man in the Mirror”

The men and women who hire me as their image consultant want to create lasting and authentic changes in their appearance. For any number of reasons, they are ready to see an updated reflection looking back in the mirror and want others to see them in this way, too. Physically evolving how one looks is a natural part of life’s journey. But could it all be taken too far?

In the three weeks since Michael Jackson’s sudden death, I’ve been thinking about all the physical changes he had undergone that hastened intense public scrutiny. I’m not sure anyone else has endured so much of the public’s scrutiny just because of the changes to his physical appearance.

Jackson will long be known as one of pop culture’s most enigmatic figures. He grew up as a public figure, and tried to find, define, and redefine himself all in the glare of the public eye. Did it really matter how many cosmetic procedures the “King of Pop” had? Should he have revealed every cosmetic procedure? Did we need to know just how badly burned and scarred he was on the set of the 1984 Pepsi commercial? The less the public knew, the more it seemingly needed to know.

So much about his senseless death is yet to be determined, but there is so much we can learn about how to be genuinely sensitive toward others who don’t fit into an average package. Michael Jackson had extraordinary talents and was extraordinarily tormented; and both sets of traits were manifested through his image.

If you’ve ever been told by one of your parents that you’re ugly, then you can relate to the pain that Michael Jackson felt from his father. That kind of pain could hurt worse than being beaten by a belt strap. If you’ve ever had to deal with severe acne, then you know how sensitive Michael Jackson was to being in public with the emotional and physical scars of severe acne, despite being a huge superstar. Later in his life, Jackson developed lupus, an autoimmune disease likely brought on as a result of childhood abuse. Lupus is said to have caused his skin discoloration, known as vitiligo. Now in the shock of sudden death, many who cast him aside as too bizarre are trying to make sense of the senseless.

Creating change in one’s appearance should be more fun and be devoid of the torment even huge pop stars face. I’d be the first to suggest therapy for any client who revealed unresolved past issues. Even in good circumstances there are still old habits to let go of in order to grow. A significant facet about image consulting is that it’s totally holistic – working from the inside out. It’s not that cosmetic surgical procedures are out of the question. It’s just that there are many other options to consider and to experience a total transformation.

In all of Michael Jackson’s despair, no matter how much he tried to change the surface of his body – and no matter how much more other conditions affected his appearance – this man did not have a good feeling about himself. His need to keep reconstructing himself points to an obsession rooted in a deep, lifelong pain.

If there is a lesson to be learned from all of this, it is to be more sensitive to someone in your family, and at your office. Be more supportive. Don’t stare oddly at someone walking down the street. Be more accepting. Be more willing to help someone be successful. Boost a friend’s confidence. Pay a compliment. Receive someone’s compliment. Soak it up. Accept who and what you see when you look in the mirror. And if you need a partner to help you make a lasting change, I’ll be there for you.

Designing and managing your image is the secret science of your success.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps professional men and corporate workgroups create effective visual brands. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.

Summertime Style Success

One of my favorite neo-soul singers, Angie Stone, sings the famous line, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out the kitchen.” Were that to apply to clothes, we’d all be naked! But when it comes to getting down to business during the heat of summertime, people always think it’s okay to cut corners by wearing less in order to be comfortable. This can easily communicate an “undercooked” image. So I’m going to share some tips to help you dress comfortably during the summer months leaving you looking as cool as a cucumber.

When was the last time you had a haircut? A summertime hairstyle takes a bit of weight off the top and keeps you from getting, well – hot headed.

Are your dress shirts too tight at the collar? There’s an easy method for getting into the properly fitting dress shirt so you don’t get “hot under the collar.” Get someone to help you with this or stand closely in front of a mirror. Use a tape measure to get a skin measurement of your neck. Wrap the tape measure snugly around your neck, being sure the tape goes just beneath your Adam’s apple. Hold the tape in place and breathe before taking the measurement. Now add one-half inch to the skin measurement. If the final measurement totals a full inch [like 16] or a half-inch [like 16 ½], that’s your dress shirt size. If the measurement totals a quarter-inch or three-quarter inch, round up to the next quarter inch to get your actual dress shirt size. This allows your shirt to fit you properly. Avoid starch so your shirt doesn’t shrink around the collar and so it feels softer after laundering.

Do your suits become sweat suits as heat and humidity are on the rise? During the summer, wearing a tropical wool weight is very helpful in maintaining the most polished and professional image, no matter what the thermometer reads. Also ensuring the lining is fine gauge keeps air flowing between the garment and you, ensuring better comfort even while you’re all dressed up.

Depending on whom you’re meeting and the occasion, dressing up could be complete with a sport coat. Jackets provide the opportunity to wear blended fabrics like wool blended with silk or linen. Lightweight options like these are informal and keep your mood and message on the light side.

Lighten up the vibe with lighter colors. Do this with shirts, pants, and even tailored clothing. But, don’t wear a light colored suit to an interview or to an important meeting with someone you are meeting for the first time or don’t know well. Lighter colored garments are light reflective and cooler to wear. This is a great way to keep a cool temper, no matter the temperature.

Feet are a constant source of agony during any season. But one easily overlooked solution has to do with when you go shopping to buy your shoes. If you buy shoes at the end of your workday, say after 5:00pm, your feet will be at their most swollen of the day. It’s the best time to know the worst-case scenario of how shoes will fit your feet. Then when you wear your shoes, you’ll be more reasonably assured of their comfort all day long, all summer long.

Along with these tips, I suggest avoiding blisters by wearing socks with your shoes. Good quality socks will wick moisture away from your feet and be more comfortable, although it may seem counterintuitive. Finally, avoid looking like a dweeb by wearing short sleeve dress shirts. Wearing clean-cut sport shirts best conveys the short sleeve look. Be sure the message you intend to send is more relaxed because these shirts will appear that way and may not be appropriate for all business occasions.

Don’t use the summer months as your excuse to slack off and devalue your image or position. Should you be the boss, everyone in the office reads your outfits like a thermometer to know what to wear to the office during the summer months. Keep a cool look as you show value to your clients, colleagues, employer, and employees.

Designing and managing your image is the secret science of your success.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps professional men and corporate workgroups create effective visual brands. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.

Who Knew? Education is a Huge Part of Image Consulting

I’m embarking on a program to provide image education late this summer, and in a way you may not expect…

Private clients know the experience of working with me on developing your visual brand and image is about more than producing the final result. They know that the pace of our work is tailored to educating you about yourself and how you communicate through your image. This approach sets you up for success because the educational component helps to sustain transformational change.

Participants of my corporate seminars also know the attention I pay to education. When employers see the cost-benefit of having me to talk to your employee group, you know the value your employer places on professional development. Every business culture and industry is a bit different. That’s why I research your workplace culture and customize each presentation, so what you learn is pertinent to your work life and not a 1950’s era notion.

Peculiarly, I’m one of the only men practicing as an image consultant, and I’m one of the only image consultants dedicated to working with male clients. It feels natural and normal to be in that peculiar, odd place. I’m used to it!

However, I decided a while back to create a program to provide education to other image consultants who want to work with men but lack the skills and insight to do so. Education dedicated to the specialty of working with men has barely existed. Until now.

So, I’ve created such a program, which has been reviewed and approved by AICI [the Association of Image Consultants International] and provides continuing educational credits [CEUs] to participants who complete the program. One significant program highlight experience participants will have is to work with an actual client of mine in a retail setting to help him with his wardrobe procurement based on his current needs and goals. They will have autonomy to select what they deem is appropriate with my oversight. This experience will culminate in the client making final selections with my guidance. The consultants will be on hand to experience this selection process.

Some image consultants turn to “training” [I prefer the word “educating”] because they stop working with actual people and businesses but contemplate their legacy. Yes, they consider how to hand down their knowledge to others so they live on somehow.

My reason for turning to education within the image consulting industry is totally different. I’m not going anywhere, for one thing! As I turn 40 later this month, this is prime time to start sharing the knowledge I have amassed over my career. Sounds nutty, in a way. But the truth is I’ve been dressing men and addressing their image issues for more than twenty years. Yes, it’s time to share what I know with other image consultants so they can offer their male clients the high level consulting for which I’ve become well known, but in a way that works for them.

The approach is to help other consultants get the knowledge they need to ehnance their own methodologies so they have more successful results with their male clients, or so they can work with men. The point is not to have them mimic or mirror the precise ways I work with clients. I’m so excited about this new adventure because teaching your own colleagues is full of its own challenges, but one I’m up to. After all, like I said, I’m used to being a stand out in my field, and I help each of my clients learn how to become a standout with their image, too.

Designing and managing your image is the secret science of your success.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps professional men and corporate workgroups create effective visual brands. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.