A small shop selling leather accessories that mimic the real thing. My advice: refuse the temptation to buy items that are genuine fake.

As if I needed a “reminder-to-self”, while enjoying a perfectly lovely trip abroad, I got a clear message that I must refuse to be a genuine fake.  You should, too.

Now, I didn’t need to come to Turkey to figure this out.  But the concept of buying goods that are each brazenly marketed as being a genuine fake, struck me as a genuine affront to all that is good in the world.  For about twenty bucks apiece, I could have filled my wrists and arms with genuine fake brand name watches with nearly identical designs and appearances to the real McCoy’s.  I am sure we have all seen this before on Canal Street in New York, or by some street vendor off Union Square in San Francisco, or just about anywhere else.

Here in Turkey, it’s part of the culture to show these genuine fake items, most often aimed at the tourist crowd.  But what does this really say about the culture that creates this whole realm of the fake?

As the sign brazenly says, genuine fake watches are available here. Don’t be tempted to by a $20 genuine fake watch that may be long on looks but short on time, as these fakes will not last.

I’ve written before about how counterfeit goods are produced most typically in China, shipped to everywhere you can imagine, and sold to willing consumers.  But, this practice is still an underground activity.  I even remember, while living in Dallas a number of years back [don’t ask…it’s a very long story], women having parties in their homes to sell Louis Vuitton bags.  Trust me, these bags were genuine fake goods.

I’m not here to defend the designs of Louis Vuitton, Breitling, Rolex, or any brand.  They can fight that battle on their end.

I’m asking, why is there a demand for the genuine fake?

Clearly, there is an incredible demand for designer products, and not everyone who desires a luxury brand watch, handbag, belt, or other apparel and accessories is in the position to afford it all.  So, in come the genuine fake goods created to satisfy the demand.

This tells us two things.  First, there is an image one conjures up by being seen in designer clothes.  When we are wearing something that even looks like designer quality – let alone if it in fact is real – we look urbane, sophisticated, moneyed, and even worldly.  No matter where we are in the realm of economic prowess, many of us want to have that impression upon others, and to ourselves.

The second thing this tells us is that people like the designs of high-end goods.  They are designed – both inside and out – to be and to look luxurious, long lasting, and of quality.

While touring Bodrum and Kusadasi, where the hospitality industry reigns supreme, we could tell that Turkey’s economy is thriving as it westernizes.  People working in the tourist spots and in cafes are so earnestly welcoming.  The economy around Kusadasi is bolstered by its carpet export industry, and by agriculture that includes everything from apples to citrus, tobacco to cotton, and mulberry trees to wines.  They’ve got the ability to grow anything that is grown in California and in the Deep South all within just one western region of the country.

With so much working in its favor, it really threw me off to see goods that are genuine fake being offered so brazenly.  It all comes down to the fact that they want the same things we all want.  They want to be perceived as being successful, and they have an eye for design.  And they also are hustling to make every buck they can.

In Istanbul, the genuine fake luxury item reigns supreme in the very popular tourist spot of the Grand Bazaar.  The place is a riot of color and of colorful personalities.  And the genuine fake luxury items are made in every color and for every personality.  Not only that, but you will see so many of the young guys hustling their wares donning genuine fake items from anything that covers their hair follicles down to whatever covers their toenails.  Hats, T-shirts, scarves, denim jeans, bags, shoes – anything that can have a logo – are all being worn by so many of these guys, it’s almost as humorous as it is insulting.

After seeing all of the genuine fake products at the Grand Bazaar, I needed to cleanse my spirit by paying a visit to one of my most favorite brands, Hermes.

As just one example, the Hermes brand is among the world’s most coveted.  The company is very strict about how much of its goods are produced, which keeps the demand high [and the prices even higher] for the genuine article.  I stopped counting how many guys were wearing these absolutely outsized “H” belt buckles intended to copy the original design produced by Hermes.  I wear my gold “H” buckle and belt every day because I like that it stands for the best in quality, and the design is richly elegant.

After seeing the Grand Bazaar, I needed a dose of reality.  So my partner and I toured the Nisantasi shopping district, and visited an actual Hermes store where I psychologically bathed myself in the air of the genuine stuff I so genuinely appreciate and value.

To be clear, areas of Istanbul, like Nisantasi, or Istiklal Avenue, or the adorable little streets around Galata Tower are devoid of the genuine fake.  Here you will find real luxury, real pedestrian brands, fine local craftsmanship, and emerging designers and concept stores.

Whether it’s watches, scarves, or leather accessories, you can find items that are genuine fake pretty easily. My advice: walk on by.

But after several days of in-your-face genuine fake product marketing, I am left with the thought that none of us should give in to the pressure to lower our standards by wearing a genuine fake item.  It diminishes something about you from deep within.  It’s not fun to do it.  It is a reminder that you couldn’t afford the real thing – in which case, you should have the strength to know that you can do without it.  It’s also symbolic of the fact that you didn’t value the real thing enough to get it instead.

If you are not clear about your own value, and that you need a genuine fake product to prove something is true of you – but that it really isn’t – you need to stop and think deeply about this.

Given the dearth of genuine fake products, I know that what I’m saying here is a probably a minority opinion.  The tide is on the favor of mass producers, re-sellers and mega-mass demand.

When I can’t afford the genuine thing, I get what is real and is affordable.  By buying less, but better quality designer goods, my sense of self is preserved and elevated. I don’t feel so entitled to have everything under the sun, even if it means getting my hands on a genuine fake.  Despite having experienced Turkey, I refuse to “be a turkey” by surrendering my sense of self.  Don’t be a genuine fake either.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

Textile Examples Designed by Mary Jaeger: Lavender Diamond Rib Collar cape, Mountain Scarf-orange-green, Blue Castle Hat

I first met textile maven Mary Jaeger at last year’s annual New York Fashion Conference.  My craving for wearable textiles has never been the same since.  Mary truly is an extraordinary designer.  Her style is so right for Silicon Valley that we hatched a plan to make her amazing collection available outside of her private TriBeCa studio.  Design conscious people like you need to see the works of Mary Jaeger.

After having accepted a very special invitation to visit Mary in her studio last December, I was hooked!  Walking into her creative space that doubles as a showroom was like entering a rock star’s dream closet full of amazingly designed sculpted and dyed accessories in unusual colors, striking textures, and artistic patterns.

Mary Jaeger, Textile and Accessory Designer

Don’t mistake Mary Jaeger as another New York designer, not that there’s anything implicitly bad about New York designers.  It’s just that Mary’s life journey is as multidimensional as her creations are.  She’s got the soul of a Midwesterner, and yet her design sense is shaped by living many years in Japan.  Mary was exposed to kimono and obi artisans in their Kyoto ateliers and she designed apparel in Tokyo.  These cumulative experiences sensitized how Mary connects color, texture, pattern, and form.

Mary Jaeger’s signature work includes shibori and tucked techniques, both rooted in and inspired by time honored Japanese textile designs.

Textile Examples Designed by Mary Jaeger: Hip Circle Rib Collar Cape, Mountain Scarf-dark, Ivory Tucked Castle Hat

Shibori relates to a number of ways of dyeing cloth that results in a pattern created by binding, stitching, folding, twisting, or compressing the fabric.  The resulting patterns are very different looking depending on the technique.  A skilled designer like Mary knows which techniques work best with specific fabrics so that the balance between color, texture, pattern, and form are achieved with precision, and with artistry.

Mary has created signature patterns with her tucking technique.  She stitches three-dimensional tucks in geometric formations into a flat, woven textile.  Then Mary can mold the fabric into garments that fit the curves of the body – all without cutting the fabric!  For added dimension, Mary dyes the tucked fabrics using shibori techniques, or shrinks the fabric after stitching.

Textile Examples Designed by Mary Jaeger: Zipper Lozenge Scarf-turquoise, Lozenge Long and Skinny Scarf-black-white, geometric trapezoid Tunic, Diamond Beaded Collar-black-white

Not only is Mary Jaeger a master of creating originality out of old world design techniques, but she keeps her pulse on what’s current, but by putting her original stamp on it.  Take digital prints as a timely example.  They are all the rage on runways.  In her latest collection of scarves, she transformed her original work by digitally printing it on silk.  This allowed her to manipulate the pattern size so that it could fit to different sizes of scarves.  The resulting patterns are so different from the original tucked designs that you’d have a hard time believing the two patterns were borne of the same inspiration.

Mary also layers multiple pieces of varied fabrics to create an effect that can’t be achieved within a single fabric.  This kind of layering technique gives the wearer an unusual mix of stitching, dyeing, weights, and materials, such as cotton/Lycra knit, wool, and silk.

Textile Examples Designed by Mary Jaeger: Boro Kimono Jacket (vintage), Urban Camouflage Loose Tee Dress, Curve Shibori Scarf

I see accessories all the time, whether it’s in stores or in my clients’ closets.  But seeing Mary Jaeger’s collection gave me proof that I hadn’t yet seen everything.  And I knew in that moment that we have all been missing out on something wearable and distinctive.

But you don’t have to be missing out anymore!

May 21- 23, Mary Jaeger will be here in Silicon Valley where she will be showing her one-of-a-kind collection.  We will be doing three showings at private area homes.  So if you are subscribed to the blog or are following me on Facebook, you will be able to learn more details and be invited to attend this exclusive opportunity.

This is a perfect opportunity to make selections for summer, see a preview of the fall collection, and browse for graduation and birthday gifts, and for that extra special ‘something’ you didn’t even know was missing from your wardrobe.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

Pete Cashmore wearing a white shirt in a special campaign created by fashion designer John Varvatos.

Pete Cashmore might be the most surprising Silicon Valley public figure to get a profile in style.  Cashmore doesn’t actually reside in Silicon Valley. He does spend some time in San Francisco where his digital media company, Mashable.com, is based.  But when he’s not in San Francisco, he’s most likely either in New York, or back in his native Scotland.  Still, Pete Cashmore is a highly recognizable and well-known Internet entrepreneur, and we can all learn something about personal aesthetics by taking a closer look at him.

Each of us has a unique story to tell about who we are, and Pete Cashmore’s story will shed an interesting light on his personal style choices.

In case you don’t know, Mashable is an award-winning site and one of the most popular destinations for digital, social media, and technology news and information.  More than 20 million people now visit the site each month.  Under Cashmore’s relentless direction, Mashable has become one of the most influential and profitable blogs in the world.

Mashable’s Pete Cashmore, as seen wearing a version of his typical signature outfit at the opening night of the well-attended South By Southwest [SXSW] festival in Austin, TX [2010].

That might explain why he has said that his favorite piece of clothing are his pajamas, which he only wears when working from home.  This is a man who knows how he likes to be comfortable.

But Cashmore does not subsist in his bedroom.  In fact, ever since his image was plastered all over Mashable, he became an immediate public figure.  And he developed a bit of a reputation for being ‘the Planet’s sexiest geek.’ Good looks never hurt anyone.

Of Cashmore, it is said that he is shy.  He’d rather be building something versus addressing a crowd.

Pete Cashmore might have introverted tendencies.  But he knows how to make them work in his favor.  He really values collaboration among colleagues and no longer relies on “reading a lot or sitting in a quiet room until the idea hit you.”

All of this explains why Pete Cashmore has a personal style that works – for him.

He describes his signature style as being “predictable” as he wears a variation on the same kind of outfit daily: a white shirt, jeans, and a blazer.

Pete Cashmore photographed for an expose in GQ [UK edition].

Pete Cashmore looking quite at ease in this image for Forbes magazine. Cashmore is wearing Ermenegildo Zegna.

Mashable is likely so popular because it explains things in such a way that non-technical people can learn how the world is developing and using communication technologies.  The same is true of how he dresses.  Take his signature blazer, for example.  It’s a great visual counterpoint to the jeans.  He still looks approachable, but with a touch of authority.  After all, he does run a business.  But it’s a style that honors his roots as much as it reflects a quality of his success.

There’s something you have to admire about a guy in a white shirt.  Pete Cashmore is a guy who looks forthright and humble, a servant.  How can it possibly be that a man who is among the richest people on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list come across that way?  It all comes down to this:  Pete Cashmore’s typical outfit is a reflection of his tireless desire to serve his readers and followers by supplying them with easy-to-understand information with the air of trustworthy authority.  I doubt it very much that he’s given it that much thought.  It’s merely flowing through him, and he’s dressing in a way that is natural.  It is no wonder people find him to be attractive.  He’s wearing that “it” factor on his sleeve.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

This Dolce & Gabbana dress helped a client make the right impression on the first day of a conference. There’s nothing quite like having “conference confidence” to stand out in a crowd. It worked!

Nearly every day so far this year, I could be spotted scouring the stores in search of clothing and accessories that would become my spring style suggestions for each client.  The most amazing experience is the moment when people who have entrusted me with managing their images get to see those style suggestions for the very first time.

The big reveal isn’t a private showing of curated art.  These style suggestions are “just” clothes, but aren’t just any clothes.  They are selected to work for each client’s body, coloring, style, comfort, occasion, needs, and messaging.  That makes these wardrobe items some serious style suggestions.

A version of this Ippolita necklace was selected for a client who admits to not having a “thing” for jewelry. But this piece, and accompanying earrings, can be worn with almost every outfit she could possibly put together. That makes it a great value.

Even more than all of that, these style suggestions are meant to give each client the look of confidence, currency, and consistency.

Clothes serve a crucial purpose in our everyday lives.  But, I don’t believe it’s healthy to treat clothes like precious objects.  If you feel that way about any particular items, or about clothes in general, you might be looking at clothing beyond your needs.  Or, you might have a deeper issue where you place more value on the qualities of the clothes than you do with your own values.

When making style suggestions to my clients, I never envision that we are creating a museum of clothing that hangs in their closets like a private collection, never to be actually worn.  Clothing should be thoroughly enjoyed – and worn.

This Lanvin scarf may seem like an extravagance. But it goes with so many things, from a dress to jeans, that she will have many ways of enjoying it, and being creative with it.

Here are a few clothing maxims I live by:

• The fit only matters when the clothes are on your body.
• The color only matters when it coordinates and enhances your own personal coloring.
• The comfort level doesn’t matter when the clothes sit idle in your closet.
• The occasion an item is never chosen for is how it looks in your closet.
• The only needs that matter are met by wearing clothes that serve the right purpose.
• The message of the clothing is meaningless if you don’t wear it.

This men’s Prada shoe is of the most advanced-design style of brogues I have ever seen. For my client, who is showing people how to do things in the tech world in a whole new way, he’s telling that story from the tip of his tongue, and from the tongue of his shoes.

So my style suggestions don’t matter if they don’t serve a client’s special purposes.

That’s why I thought it would be fun to share with you just a few of my favorite spring style suggestions to date. They were chosen for several different clients and help each of them to tell the complex stories of who they are through their personal style.

All of these style suggestions are special items.  Some can become true signatures of the wearer’s style and visual identity.  I hope that by enjoying these style suggestions, you will be inspired to consider how your wardrobe items are special in that they work for you in all the ways I have just shared with you.  When they are, you’ve made a worthy investment in your wardrobe that pays dividends with every wearing.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

Jody Watley [ca. 2006]

It is my honor and focus to help each client realize and fulfill their personal image goals.  And while each client has her or his reasons and desires for making changes and improvements, a true measure of success can be assessed when I see that each one of them becomes a makeover superstar.

You might think that the idea of a makeover is superficial.  But it’s not, especially when you are a makeover superstar.

So what is a makeover superstar?

First, I have to briefly give you some background so you can appreciate the concept.

I was reminded of this idea while going through all the music I own that was written and recorded by singer, songwriter, and music producer, Jody Watley.  She was in town a couple of weekends ago, performing at Yoshi’s in Oakland.  Her stage presence, voice, and performance did not disappoint.

The new thing that really got to me is a song she wrote and recorded in 2006, Makeover Superstar.  It is the title track of an album, The Makeover, which is a compilation of previously recorded music, all except for one track.  A bunch of the tracks are tunes Watley recorded as far back as her 1987 solo debut, while others are re-recordings of other people’s songs.  In a cheeky nod to celebrity culture, she thought of these re-recordings as “makeovers,” and ironically, wrote a new song just for the album that is called Makeover Superstar.

Jody Watley, featured in an edition of Harpers Bazaar.

Long after being discovered as a trend-setting dancer on Soul Train, and later as a founding member of Shalamar, Jody still has a powerful voice, and luminous presence.  She won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 1988 and won a Billboard Lifetime Achievement Award in 2008.

Throughout all of this, Jody Watley has had a lot of involvement with fashion.  She has been featured in numerous fashion and lifestyle magazines, was featured in the first celebrity ad campaign created for Gap, and was even the first African-American woman to be given a photo spread in a Japanese publication.  She is known for a strong personal aesthetic that incorporates vintage styles with high fashion and unique designs.

That someone of her talent and presence wrote a song about being a makeover superstar left me a powerful impression of how Jody is really just one of us.  It’s a very powerful concept.

Today’s celebrity culture, of which we find ourselves a part of – being interested in how celebrities look, what they’re doing, and how we can create those looks and events for ourselves – is precisely why the song’s message resonates.  If only we would stop and see how we each are our own superstars, we could be invincible at achieving anything we set our hearts and minds to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrigNhElbCM

A makeover superstar is someone who goes beyond clothes, makeup, and more extreme measures like plastic surgery.  This is a person who transforms from the inside out.  A makeover superstar cares less about how others perceive them, and cares more about being stronger and better.  A makeover superstar knows that he or she has an important mission [or more] in life and wants to use her or his personal power to make it all happen.

This absolutely describes who my clients are.  And yes, clothes are the medium of choice we work with.  Everyone deserves to look great.  Everyone should make great impressions.  But what they really get is a chance to makeover who they are from the inside out.

Think of it like this.  Except for the one song, all those other songs on The Makeover had never been made over.  That’s where you may be right now in your life; a creation of your own making that has never enjoyed an update.  Changing your physical appearance to match who you are and who you want to become is one of the most profound personal experiences you can have.  These songs that were given makeovers have new life, new relevance, and might even reach a different audience.  And maybe that’s just what you need:  to become your own makeover superstar.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

These photos are of Tony, a man who chronicled the changes to his body over a 3 month period. Top left was Tony at the start of his program. Top right photo was Tony mid way through. And the photo at bottom is Tony’s transformed torso to date.

My clients are always telling me that no matter how important fitness and nutrition are to their lives and to maintaining a healthy self-image, it’s not easy to keep up with.  Maybe even you are on a journey to improve strength and body shape.  Keeping fit and eating right are not spectator sports.  You can’t watch someone else do it and have the results rub off on you.  If you are concerned about enhancing your self-image by improving your fitness and nutrition, you have to do the work.

But you don’t have to do it alone.

Many people call themselves fitness and nutrition experts.  In my many years as an image professional, I’ve seen these microbusiness owners come and go.  But I’ve met a very special and interesting duo whose mission is to combine both fitness and nutrition into one’s lifestyle.

Marcel Mendoza is a Certified Fitness Expert who created a proprietary method for helping people transform their bodies through fitness.

Marcel Mendoza and Elizabeth Parsen are both Certified Fitness Experts and they are the real deal.  Marcel has created a special training methodology, and Elizabeth is a nutrition specialist.  The work they do with their clients delivers results in three to six months, leading toward clients’ eventual independence.

Their methodology will ring familiar to you, as it’s very akin to my personalized approach to helping clients tell the very complicated story of their personal brand through style.  Theirs is a very similar hands-on approach built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and integrity.

It’s not enough to look at how incredibly great the expert trainers’ physiques are; you must get a first hand account of how working with true experts delivers transformative results.

One of their clients, Mike, is a 34-year old network engineer for a Silicon Valley start up who lost a good deal of weight and was able to put on muscle with another personal trainer.  But that was not enough for him to feel that his goals were achieved.  Despite the great success that Mike had, it didn’t translate into increased confidence, and he didn’t see that his self-image had really been enhanced.  He wanted to experience this and knew that it would make a difference in his lifestyle if he could go to the next level.

Elizabeth Parsen is a Nutrition Specialist and Certified Fitness Expert who knows what foods fuel the body for optimum fitness performance.

According to Mike, “I don’t just want to be in the best shape of my life, I want to take it to the next level.  I want to lose body fat and put on muscle, of course.  More importantly though, I really want to understand how it works so I can make it a part of my lifestyle.”

Mike was a self-described “chunky kid” from the South, the nerdy type that made up for his lack of social skills with computer know-how.  After suffering through humiliating high school and college experiences, he finally decided that his body needed to get under his command.  Mike hired a personal trainer and took off most of the weight.  But after his initial weight loss, he uncovered two problems.  First, he still had some extra skin and body fat throughout his abdomen that was particularly stubborn.  Second, moving out to California meant that he lost his old trainer and had no idea how to keep working out on his own.

Mike did his research and found Marcel and Elizabeth.  He was drawn to the premise that their company, MorphFITT, would integrate personal training, nutrition, and lifestyle coaching.  Mike wanted to experience the benefits of a customized fitness and nutritional program designed specifically for him.  Marcel and Elizabeth administered comprehensive assessments that, along with his personal goals, were the basis of his program.  What he found most valuable in working with them was that he met his health and fitness goals, and was well armed with the knowledge and tools he needed to maintain his new health and image status.  He was – and still is – at the next level!

This is critical for those living in Silicon Valley because it’s one of the most competitive environments workwise and in everyday life.  And, it can also be one of the most sedentary for those in high tech.  By working with the MorphFITT team, he was able to increase his edge, compete with the best, and look and feel his best.  After only three months of this personal attention to his fitness, nutrition, and lifestyle, his new “look” put him at the top of his game.

The hours and sweat that Mike put into developing his body had an exponentially positive effect on his mood and persona.  To those who know him, it’s one of the first things they notice about him now. Rather than poor posture and protracted shoulders typical of engineers, he stands tall and confident, the kind of confidence you notice immediately!

Marcel and Elizabeth taught him how to keep his body both well developed and balanced proportionally.  His newly minted eating habits helped him to further reduce his body fat and to tighten up his abdomen.  The nutrition template that he learned and used became a stable and reliable plan for feeding himself.  And his clothes fit well through the chest and arms.

Mike’s results have contributed to his greatly improved self-image, sense of style, confidence, and passion for life.  His increased energy, better sleep, and faster recovery after working out lent to clearing up his skin and helped him to not have “tired” eyes.  The lifestyle coaching he received was the key to integrating the fitness and nutrition components into his overall health and wellness.  He has a solid plan that he can rely on for the rest of his life.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

Coiffed, yet rugged, the new uniform style for men seems to have taken hold in cities like New York and San Francisco. But is it a look for all men?

If you believe everything you read about men’s fashion, you might have been falsely led to believe that there is a new uniform style for men.  You can spot this trend on a guy with a coiffed hairstyle, juxtaposed by scruffy facial hair, and granddad styled clothes made to look youthful, outdoorsy, and deep in thought.

As you might expect, I do a lot of reading about men’s style.  As well, I do a lot of observing and evaluating people on the street, in stores, and at events.  Some would also argue that I am instrumental in helping to create a cultural shift in how men conceive of their style in Silicon Valley.  And because I’m an independent thinker, I’m skeptical about this new ‘uniform style’ for men.

What scares me about the notion of a new uniform style for men is that it suggests that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Where’s the individuality in every guy showing up to dinner at a restaurant looking like “cookie-cutter” “hip beard farmers” wearing “cardigans with granddad shawl collars…select brands of pricey Japanese denim…and glasses that make you look like you’ve read too much Ayn Rand.”  This is how New York Times culture and style writer Guy Trebay describes the new uniform style for men in that bastion of fashion, Brooklyn.

In his piece, entitled, “The Rise of the Well-Dressed Man,” Trebay notes that men aren’t wearing the clothes that comprised the uniform of choice back in the 1990’s any more.  Baggy jeans and Dockers are out.  Shirts that look like they came from the tent and awning store have also been jettisoned in favor of this new post-Preppy era form of Americana style.

While Trebay is shedding added light on the obvious shifts in men’s style and fashion consumerism, the reader could conceive that this is how all hip men are dressing.  I sure as hell hope he’s not right about what he wrote about.

Having read and analyzed this article, I think Trebay makes too big of a big deal about fashionably dressing no longer being limited to gay guys.  It would have been interesting to write about this in a different article because I think he misses the point.

Men, gay or straight, are prone to dressing in a uniform style that represents the tribe in which they want to be included.  This can create a ubiquitous look that leads to anonymity rather than standing out in a positive way.

Within the gay community, it is very common to see grown men appearing as clones of one another.  Gay men, who have likely been ostracized both outside of and within the gay community, take comfort and cover by looking and dressing alike.  This creates a uniform style for men, rippling further out into the broader culture of cities like New York and San Francisco, where there are large and prominent enclaves of gay men.

I am a strong advocate for possessing and drawing out a true individual personal style rather than intentionally and purposefully fitting into a uniform style for men [or for women, for that matter].

The same week that piece went to press in the New York Times, Sara Deseran wrote about “Men in Uniform” in San Francisco magazine.

Deseran’s piece, in part, profiles the customers and co-owner of an apparently trendsetting store located on the edge of the Castro in San Francisco.  For whatever the reason it had to be revealed, the owners are gay, but the store’s customers are not.  Maybe her point is to make it clear to one and all that anyone can dress like a member of the Japanese denim wearing, cardigan wearing, scruffy bearded tribe.  While she says that this type of man is neither grungy, preppy, nor ironic, what is ironic is that this style is just as easily identifiable by its own hallmarks.

It’s great that ALL kinds of men are developing an aesthetic that is grown up and quality driven.  But I do not believe that there’s one look that everyone can wear with personal truth and conviction.  It is great that the press is paying more attention to men’s style.  But when reading articles that are almost clones of one another, each one from a different American coast, I get a bit uneasy about the state of men’s style in America, let alone in Silicon Valley.

It does seem that there is a new uniform style for men, but you won’t see me wearing it.  It’s not that I don’t like the look.  It’s just not who I am:  an individual with my own identity, tastes, and inclinations.  I celebrate that in you and in everyone.  If you’re into tribes and clones, so be it.  I can respect and honor that.  But if you really want to tell the complicated story of who you are through style, think more like an individual than as a member of a tribe who wears a uniform style.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

Feeling good enough should not come at the expense of others. Instead, set positive intentions to honor your own outer and inner beauty.

I’m a life long student of self-image.  And if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you probably are, too.  So, whenever I have an opportunity to learn something new, I take it.  Last week, I attended a healthy living class for adult learners at Stanford University focusing on helping others to find ways of feeling good enough about their self-image under the leadership of a licensed clinical social worker and a sexual health instructor.

It was one of the most bizarre classes I’ve ever attended.

Here’s why.

The contention of the class instructors is that images found in the media and Internet affects how we see others and ourselves clearly.  News flash!  They went on at length to say that models are chronic dieters.  Another news flash!  Then they shared that even after the models have done all they can do to look their magazine cover best, the magazine editors re-touch and Photoshop their pictures.  No, seriously?!  These images, postulate the course leaders, are responsible for us not feeling good enough about ourselves.  Yes, readers, that’s nearly all the wisdom the dynamic duo could conjure up to the class.

Thankfully, I remained wide awake for the duration of the class because I got a lot more insight from the participants, which I’m about to share with you.

I really don’t think that any of the mostly women and few men could have cared less about the plight of the starving cover models.  Some had voiced other concerns that left me with a stark reminder that feeling good enough should not come at the expense of others.

For instance, one woman shared with the group that she grew up not feeling good enough because she always got handed down clothes.  She wasn’t concerned about how she looked compared to the airbrushed models.  She was comparing herself to her peers and co-workers.  As a result, she has never put value into clothes and, at her stage and age in life, is still rife with insecurities that the women she works with look better than she does and have more opportunities that she has had.  Now I realize that this was a 90-minute class and that there wouldn’t be time to help everyone with a potential issue.  But since she did speak up, I was very agitated the instructors did not provide her with any suggestions.  Yes, it is great to be heard, but she walked out feeling exactly as she did when she walked in, that somehow she’s not feeling good enough.  She missed hearing that it’s not too late to set a new intention.

Another woman was up in arms over why girls attending high school and college are wearing high-heeled shoes to school.  Again, the pop psychology explanation about why women wear high-heeled shoes left me gasping for breath.  It was suggested that teens, young women, and grown women alike all wear high-heeled shoes because they want to be loved.  [In fact, everything we do comes down to the need to be loved, according to one instructor’s theory.]  That may be true for some people.  But to box women into this concept that they are somehow victims who are not loved, and, in order to be loved, must wear high-heeled shoes, seemed extremely shallow to me.

Then to jump onto the bandwagon, the homely looking woman with second-hand clothes syndrome, chimed in.  She proudly declared that she never watched “Sex and the City.” But she relished in sharing that she read that its fashionista star, Sarah Jessica Parker, made it public that she is now unable to wear the high-heeled shoes she loved so much.  Someone else said that Parker wasn’t actually blaming the shoes or the designers, but a certain material used in the construction of the shoes.  This completely useless conversation goes to show that feeling good enough shouldn’t come at the expense of others.  I mean, taking glee in someone else’s pains just to make one’s self feel better is pretty damned bad.

Even the social worker was a case study all her own.  She’s a woman of a certain age whose long hair is past her prime.  And that’s not the only thing.  Her whole look that night was from another era.  I don’t think she even looks at the cover – let alone the contents – of any fashion magazines.  She wore light green cropped pants with unfashionable but sensible comfort shoes.  In addition, she wore white socks with polka dots, a white t-shirt and a green jacket of another light green tone wrapped around her waist.

She said that she instructs her hairstylist to color her hair by diluting the solution with water so that there is still some visible gray.  She claims to be not the slightest bit uncomfortable with aging and wants to look age appropriate.  While she’s a walking contradiction in terms – coloring her hair at all for starters – she’s clearly not feeling good enough because she’s looking like an even older woman in the old clothes of a formerly younger woman.

Course instructors are leaders.  They should look like they appropriately represent their core messages.  If she’s so comfortable with her stage of life, why is her appearance completely out of sync with her message?

If the woman who was concerned about other women wearing high-heeled shoes really wanted to take a healthy stance, she could accept that many women will continue to wear high-heeled shoes, and if she would prefer to not wear them, accept it as a personal decision.

It is time that women stop sabotaging their own appearance by feigning self-acceptance.  It is time that women stop attacking each other’s looks.  Feeling good enough should not come at the expense of others.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Retreats.

On the cover of “Time” magazine upon the release of her new book, Sheryl Sandberg wears a “safe” but well tailored dress.

Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg is a force of nature, making waves with her new book, “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.”  She’s also a wife, mother, and now a published author.  The point of her book is that women should not make excuses and justifications because their companies don’t advance women’s positions at work.  To “lean in,” she means that women should give their all to their careers, while also believing in their ability to combine the responsibilities of work and family.

Some detractors of her message believe it’s lean on substance for the ‘average’ woman, that her way of thinking is only suitable to others who are privileged and affluent.  Another key criticism of the book is that even though Sheryl Sandberg is a corporate leader, she goes into depth on women’s internal struggles, but does not address how businesses should rethink how women have a place at the table.

At the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Sandberg wears a persimmon jacket as if to channel her skills of being organized and designing projects.

One of the points Sheryl Sandberg addresses in her book is the self-doubt that holds many women back from fulfilling their dreams and goals.  Despite her writing openly of her own insecurities, one thing you can see through her personal style is that she projects a sense of fearlessness.  But not in a way that looks protective or standoffish.  There are hints of vulnerability and openness that I see in her personal style that give her a certain softness.  This lends to her likability, a quality that Sandberg says challenges women’s career success.

I’m not sure why this photograph was taken of Sheryl Sandberg. Looking her up and down, after the smile, her body language might look at ease, but it also looks a bit protective. And the gray cardigan may communicate that she’s willing to listen, but the way she wears it says that you better make it quick.

Sheryl Sandberg is often photographed wearing jackets, dresses, or underpinnings that feature a V-neck.  Not only is this figure flattering for her, but also it makes her look open and approachable.  The higher the neckline, the less open and approachable she would look.  Even if she doesn’t dress that way everyday, you can be certain that she is being intentional about creating this visual persona.

It is interesting to note the jewelry that Sheryl Sandberg wears and doesn’t wear.  She does wear her wedding ring and a wristwatch, and has a nice collection of interesting, low profile earrings.  But she doesn’t have a penchant for wearing many necklaces.  This suggests that her approach to style is businesslike.  In most cases, it would appear that she prefers time-honored designs that can’t be marked by fashion trends.  This is true of her jewelry and most of her clothing.

While being interviewed by Charlie Rose on his show, Sandberg appears calm, cool, collected and relatable with her boss at her side.

It is also interesting to observe how Sandberg chose to dress when appearing on The Charlie Rose Show alongside Facebook’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg.  Dressed in his typical North Face jacket with T-shirt and jeans, Zuckerberg didn’t take that as an opportunity to dress up.  But looking at Sandberg’s outfit, you get the sense that her comfortable and relaxed style is true to her everyday working style.  It’s not a “look at me” kind of look.  Low contrast, solid drapey fabrics worn with a comfortable kitten heel shoe, her clothes are relaxed and low profile, creating a proper balance to her boss.

As a featured guest, interviewed at the Moet Hennessy Financial Times Club Dinner in San Francisco last September, Sandberg is seen taking a rare fashion risk. But was it the right one for her?

I think Sheryl Sandberg gets a lot right about her style.  Her clothes are impeccably tailored.  She makes good, solid choices.  Her beautiful hair is a dominant feature.  Yet its current style smacks of the East Coast Ivy League.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But it does make her look more mature than her 43 years, and it doesn’t reflect how she may have evolved as a whole person.  I’d like to see it look more modern and reflect her many successful years here in Silicon Valley.

The greatest shortcoming I find about Sheryl Sandberg’s style is in relation to her persona.  She doesn’t show much of an appetite for a little fashion risk here and there.  She’s a go-getter type.  She’s taken very big risks that have yielded mega major payoffs.  Where’s the evidence of that daring sense in her personal style?  It is my studied opinion that the true authentic style of Sheryl Sandberg has yet to “lean in.”

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Bootcamp. Men’s Spring Bootcamp:  March 22-24. Inquire about further upcoming dates.

I don’t really want you to have a vision of me lying in bed while working from home in sweats as I write this post.  So I’m sparing you the gory details by not sharing with you a picture of me looking pretty much at my worst.

When I hear of people working from home in sweats, I tend to have the same vision in my head that you may be having of me in my current state.

For sure, working from home in sweats must mean that you couldn’t possibly be bothered to manage your appearance.  If no one’s going to see you, why bother?  The way I’ve been feeling the past couple of days, I’d actually tend to agree.  But these are not normal circumstances.  I actually can’t wait to have the energy to stand up in the shower, clean my body, blow dry my hair, and put on something nice to wear – just for me.  I can’t imagine anything better than looking like a whole person.  It will undoubtedly make me feel like a whole person, too.

Working from home in sweats shouldn’t have any impact on the quality of your work.  But I’m sure it does.  I mean, being in sweats for the past couple of days, on top of how I’ve been feeling, has given me the added excuse of being lazy.  I didn’t write my blog post in time, which I mainly know is because I got very sick.  But lying around in sweats hasn’t helped me any either.  Who knows if this blog post is even any good?  I’m feeling so unsure of myself that it is even affecting how I feel about the output of my work.  Can you relate?

In the past week, we’ve heard about companies like Yahoo and Best Buy update their policies requiring their employees to show up to their respective offices.  People have commented on TV that they think this is a backward step, that this policy change is disrespectful to women, and so on.  From the bottom of my heart, I believe that these company directives are intended to get people out of the mode of working from home in sweats and into the offices where employees must be present and have a presence.

You sure can’t have a positive presence, do your very best work, or feel great about yourself when you’re working from home in sweats.  Believe me, tomorrow I’m back to work, and I’ve never, ever been so excited to get out of my sweats and back into “me!”

Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs transform their self-confidence by improving their personal style.  Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “7 Ways to Transform Your Personal Image”.  Learn about Joseph’s “Turbocharge Your Personal Style” Bootcamp. Men’s Spring Bootcamp:  March 22-24. Inquire about further upcoming dates.