How Does This Grab You?

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I don’t know how else to bring up this frank subject other than to say right here and now that if you are too modest and delicate to read my comments that hit below the belt, this may be the moment to opt out.  Once you start reading further, though, I’m sure you’ll agree that what may preclude you from reading initially will have you saying, “Yes, Joseph.  Tell it like it is, Joseph!”  I just want to be up front about where this is all headed.

As an image consultant I am a student of human behavior.  I can be in an exclusive shop, walking down the street, driving along in my car, sitting in an airport or in a restaurant and I’m going to be looking at whoever is in my line of vision.  Observing people is just a natural part of human interaction.

Body language is a crucial factor of human behavior.  It says an awful lot about his overall comportment and leads an onlooker to form instantaneous decisions about his presence.  As an image consultant, it’s natural to study non-verbal communication of corporate executives and politicians and the foibles that foil their careers and campaigns.

But I just don’t understand, being the man I am, why men in general, feel the need to grab themselves and give themselves a public readjustment.  Do they think that no one is looking?  Do they just not care?  Is this another case of mine is bigger than yours?

I have so many questions about why this behavior exists, but the final answer is that this public readjusting is just r-o-n-g wrong.  The image consulting profession is a female dominated field, and I cannot imagine almost a single one of my colleagues tackling this sensitive subject with a ten-foot pole.  So I feel it absolutely must be addressed.

It has been bothering me for some time now, this notion that men just fix themselves like they’re freshening up their hair.  Even in Europe recently I found this to happen – and in every city we visited.  This is a global issue of incivility.  It’s rude to grab yourself in public, gentlemen.  If you need to adjust, excuse yourself like a proper person and take care of your business.

I remember an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show from many years ago when she interviewed Michael Jackson and asked why he grabbed himself.  As I recall, he claimed it was purely reactionary to “feeling the music” he created.  He was a unique individual, and if that excuse could be used by anyone, he got the pink hall pass to use it.

I don’t care if you call it your music maker or your money maker.  I don’t care how big it is or how twisted it is.  If you grab it and rearrange it in public you are rude and inconsiderate.  We are supposed to be moving forward as men, not acting like stupid ass cavemen.  Act with some discretion.  People are keeping tabs.

Joseph Rosenfeld helps high-profile individuals revitalize, manage, and be secure in their personal visual brand. Visit JosephRosenfeld.com for details.

  • Harry

    Joseph,
    It takes huge testicles to address(adjust) such a grabbing subject! Once again you are leading the way and are right on! I see it a lot and wonder what these guys are thinking. It’s right up there with spitting in public in my book. Thanks again for your honesty and willingness to address this rude behavior.

  • http://josephrosenfeld.com Joseph Rosenfeld

    Thanks for your comment, Harry. And I totally agree with you about spitting. Thanks for mentioning it here.

  • mary

    I thought rappers, etc started it up, definitely as a “mine’s bigger than your’s” kind of thing.
    Have you actually noticed men in suits doing it?
    Maybe we should all start reaching into our bras to readjust. Good grief–tacky all around!

  • http://josephrosenfeld.com Joseph Rosenfeld

    In the rap music scene it definitely comes across as ‘thug-like’ behavior, Mary. Why anyone else would want to emulate that behavior – man or woman – is beyond me. I always say, don’t imitate. Be an individual, but be civilized about it. This is one area where women need not want to have the same prerogative as these men feel they have. Let’s just change this idea to not doing it at all.

  • http://www.valentinadesigns.com Valentina

    Joseph,
    in Europe and mostly in southern Europe men grab themselves at any time they feel like it and in any situation because they are “men”, if you know what I mean. But here in the US women are not any less. I saved a picture of a famous politician doing that in public, disgraceful woman!. You are right, it feels almost as we are regressing in our customs. Behavior is not thought in schools any more.

  • http://josephrosenfeld.com Joseph Rosenfeld

    I see this all too often even here in the U.S., not just in Europe. It does grab negative attention, that’s for sure. Could you imagine someone -man or woman- adjusting themselves, and then wanting to shake your hand? I don’t think so…

  • Karen

    Oh Joseph you weren’t kidding this one of the best. Now you have the “stretchy don’t fit my blubberly buttocks
    I am DyING to see U Tube of “Let’s see if all the guy are lined up correctly”. My ex husband did all the dissusting stuff. Spit n tackle:) Emphasis on X.

  • Karen

    Thank you for your genious!
    However, wouldn’t it be rich to see a UTube on it? Even the “spit and adjust” to music.
    Thankfully Elise thinks it is horrible. Young ladies and young men need to be instilled by their loved ones with pride and respect. Call me old fashioned and I will
    say, “thank you”.

  • Doug

    Crotch grab from a rapper’s perspective.
    Terry Gross interview with Jay Z Nov ’11.

    “In hip-hop, the music leads first. So usually, you have a hit record and then [the record executives] throw this person on stage who has never been on stage before. So they don’t have any experience on how to perform in front of people, hold the mic — all these different things you need to know as a performer. So you get up there, you feel naked. So when you feel naked, what’s the first thing you do? You cover yourself. So that bravado is an act of, ‘I am so nervous right now. I am scared to death. I’m going to act so tough that I am going to hide it, and I have to grab my crotch.’ That’s just what happens.”

    -Jay Z

  • Doug

    Crotch grab from a rapper’s perspective.
    Terry Gross interview with Jay Z Nov ’11.

    “In hip-hop, the music leads first. So usually, you have a hit record and then [the record executives] throw this person on stage who has never been on stage before. So they don’t have any experience on how to perform in front of people, hold the mic — all these different things you need to know as a performer. So you get up there, you feel naked. So when you feel naked, what’s the first thing you do? You cover yourself. So that bravado is an act of, ‘I am so nervous right now. I am scared to death. I’m going to act so tough that I am going to hide it, and I have to grab my crotch.’ That’s just what happens.”

    -Jay Z

  • http://josephrosenfeld.com Joseph Rosenfeld

    This is an interesting perspective. But my advice for any guy who gets a bit nervous on a date or other social situation: don’t use Jay Z’s explanation as an excuse to do the same.

  • http://josephrosenfeld.com Joseph Rosenfeld

    This is an interesting perspective. But my advice for any guy who gets a bit nervous on a date or other social situation: don’t use Jay Z’s explanation as an excuse to do the same.