[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" parallax_speed="0.3" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" overlay_color="" video_preview_image="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" padding_top="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" padding_right=""][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" background_position="left top" background_color="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" spacing="yes" background_image="" background_repeat="no-repeat" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" margin_top="0px" margin_bottom="0px" class="" id="" animation_type="" animation_speed="0.3" animation_direction="left" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" center_content="no" last="no" min_height="" hover_type="none" link=""][fusion_text] [caption id="attachment_5702" align="alignright" width="225"] This bottle of hard cider represents the hard choice I felt pressed into making. Should I be social or meet my own needs? If someone else doesn't care enough about you, make sure that you take care of yourself.[/caption] There are times I feel that I have experiences just so that I can tell stories about them. Last weekend when I was in London, I had another such moment. Have you ever been in a situation involving other people, and you knew that you needed to do something to meet your own needs? Well, this is precisely what happened to me. Before explain exactly what happened, I want to tell you why I want to share this experience with you. Too often I hear from people about what they give up in order to please others. I also hear from people who, despite being wonderfully successful, may as well talk to a wall about their needs or desires. I am humbled over and over again when people tell me that my examples have empowered and emboldened them to take steps to live their best lives and to be at their very best. This is a daily endeavor for me as an individual, and as a professional. So, if I’m going to dole out coaching advice to meet your own needs, I had better do it myself... Okay. So the story goes like this… [caption id="attachment_5703" align="alignleft" width="300"] Another way that I ensured that I'd meet my own needs was to spend huge amounts of time on my own. The unfortunate part was that connecting with the original group became totally disconnected. But, the good part was that I got to connect with a city I enjoy, meeting interesting people along the way, and enjoying lots of art.[/caption] I landed in London nearly two weeks ago to celebrate the housewarming of a friend who has a great story. I wanted to celebrate this amazing accomplishment. Today he is a degreed psychologist, and a British citizen. But, he is Algerian born, a devout Muslim, and he is gay. To remain in his native country would have been extremely risky. He’d have remained closeted, and he’d not be able to live his life to the fullest and the freest. In fact, he moved to London to meet his own needs. It was wonderful meeting friends of his. Some were local Londoners. Other friends flew in from Egypt and Germany to celebrate friendship and our mutual friend’s achievement. The following day, a subset of friends gathered together to enjoy a perfect day in London. Things turned ugly pretty fast that day. In searching for a brunch spot, and after trying to go to a place where there was a line out the door, a majority of the friends opted for a fish restaurant. Now, if you know me, I have a personal rule that I don’t eat anything that lives in water. Seafood isn’t Kosher, and the fish that I could eat, I have never liked anyway. So, I spoke up that this would not be a place where I’d like to eat. I flew 5369 miles to London to have an enjoyable time. Causing turbulence on the ground with the group of friends was far from my aim. So, after being told by one of my friend’s friend, “Majority rules. This is how democracy works,” my blood began to boil. I said, “I’m well aware of how democracy works, and even in the United States, when people disagree, you can still eat a meal.” So another of the friend’s friends was prompted to review the menu card outside the restaurant before entering like a bull in a china shop. He said, “Ah! There’s a meat dish right here. You can order that!” And with that, they marched into the restaurant. Somehow, I did not want to disappoint. So, in lockstep, I followed. The menu card was entirely fish and seafood, except for that one meat dish, and some salads and sides. Certainly the only meal-worthy menu item I could have eaten was the ribeye steak, priced at double of the fish entrees they all ordered. It was offensive that someone who barely knew me attempted to dictate to me what I should order. It was as if I were going to be force-fed this entrée, and I would like it, whether I wanted it or not. After struggling to order from the menu, I was the last to order, and it was my turn. I passed. While looking at the menu card, I devised a plan. Ever since I was a little boy, my connection to food was to not just be nourishing, but to bring people together. It’s sort of the essence of communal dining. It felt like a foreign experience to be in a setting for communal dining, but without any communal feeling about it, for me. When everyone else’s meals arrived at the table, I looked at each person around the table, including my friend. I figured that he, who follows Halal, naturally would have been more sensitive to my dietary restrictions and personal tastes in food. I said, “You see how you each are looking at your food, and how you know you are about to enjoy it? Well, I’m going to go somewhere where I can have that same experience.” [caption id="attachment_5706" align="alignright" width="300"] The place of turning point of my recent trip, Fish![/caption] And with that, I quietly stood up, put my jacket on, turned and walked out of the restaurant. When you need to meet your own needs, trying to be nice to people who really don’t give a shit about you is no longer important. I had a lovely meal elsewhere, by myself. I felt personally empowered and satisfied by getting up from that table, leaving, and nourishing my appetite and soul. Having some time away from the group, I contemplated what I would do if I were among the majority back at the other restaurant. Coming from my more communal and inclusive perspective, I’d have offered to go eat elsewhere with the “odd man out,” so that he’d feel like he did belong. I’d never have asked, nor expected, anyone from the group to do that. [caption id="attachment_5700" align="alignleft" width="225"] For me, art is one of the best ways for me to enjoy something that exists out of my head. I got a huge thrill out of seeing the Alexander Calder exhibit. I would have surely missed it otherwise. Bonus, for me.[/caption] After eating, I realized how much I enjoyed time on my own. So, I walked to the Tate Modern, caught the fantastic Alexander Calder exhibition, and walked all over London on a lovely sunny Sunday. I felt free. Free, that is, until I reconvened with my friend and another house guest at his flat. So, I kept to myself until we were ready to discuss what happened that day. He said that he was just going with the flow. I told him that I was also going with the flow – mine. The next morning, he got up at his typical early hour to get to work. He wished me a good day, and said, “See you later.” I said, “See you later.” Then I had a shower, dressed, and asked his friend from Egypt, a really lovely guy, if he’d like to have a coffee together at Starbucks. He said he’d like to but that he’d not go out until he had a shower and dressed. Knowing that he is as fastidious about his appearance as me, I knew that’d have been the case. [caption id="attachment_5701" align="alignright" width="300"] I walked clear around London, and made sure to visit the most famous residence in the land, Buckingham Palace. I got more out of my time alone than I could have imagined. When you meet your own needs you can find happiness and fulfillment. Then, when others need you, you can be there for them. I'm so glad I took care of myself, so that I can stand in the service of others. It's my highest calling.[/caption] Two minutes after he stepped into the bath and ran the bath water, I grabbed my packed luggage, and quietly slipped out of the flat, through the neighborhood a couple of blocks, and on to the tube, destination unknown. Still above ground, I logged onto a wonderful app you should have if you are traveling, Hotel Tonight. I found a hotel to stay in for the next two nights, and disappeared into the anonymity of a large, bustling city, feeling autonomous and unburdened. In the two full remaining days that I had in London, I had the very best possible time. And, I can’t wait to go back. Meeting your own needs sometimes requires taking drastic measures. I realize that the idea of being at a restaurant where comfortably ordering and enjoying a meal may only happen to me. But, the value of the story is the same as if it were a scenario that you might think could only happen to you. If you feel trapped into a situation where your needs are not being honored, find the nearest doorway and depart. What I realized in this situation, and was a significant lesson for me to learn once again, is that we cannot count on others to tend to our needs. Take measures to meet your own needs and be free, happy, and fulfilled. Joseph Rosenfeld helps successful Silicon Valley technology entrepreneurs and executives discover their personal brands and design their personal styles. Get Joseph’s free report that helps you know “ 6 Secrets to Success in Silicon Valley .” Get details about Joseph’s proven program that transforms your life through personal brand and style development. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

wellness Archives | Joseph Rosenfeld

Practical Reason Why Style Matters in Unfamiliar Times

There really is a practical reason why style matters [...]

Joseph Rosenfeld2020-03-18T23:00:37-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology|Tags: authenticity, consistency, Lifestyle Goals, New York Personal Stylist, NYC Personal Stylist, wellness|Comments Off

My Ongoing Journey into Redefining Success

A story of self-discovery, Stevie Nicks, personal style, and [...]

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-03-26T22:37:27-04:00Categories: Joseph's Philosophy, Videos|Tags: authenticity, bullying, confidence, goal setting, individuality, New York Personal Stylist, san jose silicon valley personal style expert, wellness|Comments Off

A Crucial Pre #MeToo Body Shaming Lesson

It’s hard to bring up something that brought me [...]

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-02-22T06:55:27-05:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology, Transformational Style|Tags: #MeToo, authenticity, goal setting, individuality, Lifestyle Goals, New York Personal Stylist, san jose silicon valley personal style expert, wellness|Comments Off

Very Sensitive Personal Style Strategy Project

A new client hired me especially because hers is [...]

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-09-06T14:01:22-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Executive Style, Transformational Style|Tags: appearance, confidence, goal setting, Image Consultant, New York Personal Stylist, non-verbal communication, wellness|Comments Off

What Nicole’s Recovery Has in Common With You

Making the best of yourself is what Nicole’s recovery has in common with you. Hopefully, you never have a stroke in order to learn this lesson.

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-05-09T15:55:53-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology|Tags: authenticity, goal setting, Image Consultant, wellness|Comments Off

Style Leads to Owning a More Complete You

So, when I say that style leads to owning a more complete you, stories like this prove it. Even my scientist client, who loves to see proof, can attest to this.

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-07-08T17:28:59-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology, Transformational Style|Tags: authenticity, client profile, confidence, Image Consultant, individuality, NYC Personal Stylist, san jose silicon valley personal style expert, wellness|Comments Off

Meet Your Own Needs

Have you ever been in a situation involving other people, and you knew that you needed to do something to meet your own needs?

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-05-10T21:43:27-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology|Tags: individuality, NYC Personal Stylist, wellness|Comments Off

My Journey of Healing Continues

Gosh. This is so hard to write. It’s so hard to share. And yet, sharing this ultimate turnaround is part of how my journey of healing continues.

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-05-10T23:15:18-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology, Transformational Style|Tags: authenticity, bullying, confidence, individuality, wellness|Comments Off

Doing What’s Awkward Forces You to Grow

This innocent social experience reminded me that doing what’s awkward forces you to grow. We all have some sort of related experience.

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-05-05T22:56:11-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing, Style Psychology|Tags: appearance, authenticity, confidence, individuality, NYC Personal Stylist, occasion dressing, san jose silicon valley personal style expert, wellness|Comments Off

People See True Greatness When You Are Fit

Why should it even matter that people see true greatness when you are fit? I mean, why the heck should this even matter? Isn’t the quality of your character what really matters?

Joseph Rosenfeld2019-05-05T22:29:16-04:00Categories: Best Life Dressing|Tags: appearance, authenticity, confidence, goal setting, non-verbal communication, NYC Personal Stylist, wellness|4 Comments